Shape Magazine recently published a dating article titled “7 Signs That You Might Be In a Toxic Relationship.” Already, right off the bat, you can see the glaring problem: Using the vague, poorly defined word “toxic.” This word is so misused by so many modern women that it has become meaningless to men. Toxic is basically in the eye of the beholder, so when modern women use it, they project whatever past problems they had with men into the conversation without specifying exactly what toxic means to them. For some, toxic means the guy did not tell her “I love you” 10 times a day. For others, it means the guy spent too much time at work and not enough time giving her attention. Some women even consider men toxic if they don’t buy a birthday or Christmas gift that is of equal or greater value to the gift they give their boyfriends.
This is why it is very important for articles like this, written by two modern women by the way, to be very careful to explain what they mean by “toxic relationship” before going into the list of 7 signs of one. Unfortunately, throughout the article, they make the mistake of posting vague expressions that most women will just run wild with, inserting their own assumptions and projections about men in a way that will keep them single. I’ll quickly cover some of these 7, offering my rebuttal.
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Before I jump into it, let me say that, in my firm opinion, a toxic relationship comes in only 2 levels:
Level 1: Most verbal communications between the two result in profanity or belittling. This is especially true when arguments come up. Mature people can have conversations and disagreements without uttering cuss words, gaslighting each other or being demeaning. But this level does not necessarily have to result in the end of a marriage or serious relationship, contrary to what these modern so called dating experts tell you. People are imperfect and will say imperfect things. Before getting serious about someone, vet them carefully on how they communicate before committing.
Level 2: Arguments often lead to physical violence. These kinds of toxic relationships are to be avoided at all costs. Run if this starts to happen. Having side relationships without the other’s consent makes the relationship toxic if they find out.
There. See how easy that is? Anything else defined as toxic is just a silly cop out to end a marriage, but modern women don’t nail down the definition of toxic like this. They leave it vague, in a cloud of mystery.
Ob back to the article…
The opening paragraph includes the following:
“Studies show that being in unhealthy relationships can cause a number of health issues, such as heart problems and strokes, and research suggests chronic stress — which can stem from toxic relationships — can lead to serious diseases, an impaired immune system, and depression. In short: unhealthy relationships make unhealthy people.”
Oh boy lol. See how vague this is? Pretty much, everything you don’t feel comfortable with in a relationship can be viewed as detrimental to your physical. They’re about to create a generation of hypochondriacs with this rationale. The authors never explain what “unhealthy” or “toxic” even is. They assume that their list of 7 signs explains, but they’re just as vague. By linking their vague notion of toxic to serious health problems, the result is that women, acting on emotion, will assume their definition of toxic is causing deadly diseases. So if a woman thinks that a husband not depositing money into her account each pay day is toxic, she can use that as grounds for a divorce to save her health.
“3. You Feel Unsafe (In Any Way)”
“One of the most obvious and crucial ways to tell your relationship is unhealthy is if your feeling of safety is compromised. While physical safety is paramount (you and your partner should never be violent or physically intimidating one another), emotional safety is also crucial. For example, “when you are trying to have a discussion with your partner, they berate you, call you names, tell you that you’re stupid, belittle you, and/or publicly ridicule and shame you,” says Brown. Phrases like “your opinion doesn’t matter” or “you aren’t smart enough to talk about this (subject),” or any other attempt to diminish your self-worth are clear signs of a toxic relationship.”
On the surface, this sounds like good advice. And indeed, no one should be subject to any form of physical violence. The gray, vague area comes in the interpretation of “emotional safety.” This is a buzzword for women leaving men for any emotional reason. Relationships are not perfect, and many will go through those phases where one or both people will say things they regret. Some women interpret a man’s deep voice alone as threatening and intimidating even if he isn’t being demeaning or belittling. No one likes disagreements or arguments, of course, but the way modern women interpret “emotional safety” is similar to how no fault divorces give them any reason to file for divorce.
“5. Nearly All of Your Friends and Family Disapprove”
“This isn’t just about your parents having unrealistic expectations for their baby. If almost all of your friends, family members, and colleagues ask “why are you dating this sleazebag?” it could be a sign of a toxic relationship — or at least an unhealthy one. Love is powerful, and it can blind you from noticing red flags or major issues. If the people you love most are concerned about you or don’t approve of the person you’re dating, it’s worth examining.”
Again, this one will sound like it makes sense, especially to modern women, who will project their own experiences here. The advice here is just too vague. Friends and family can disapprove anyone for any reason, not always in the best interests of the woman. For instance, let’s say she has a history of picking bad boys, and her friends and family no longer trust who she dates. She then finally gets someone who is decent, but not perfect in their eyes. What’s to stop them from disapproving him right off the bat without getting to know him? Unless he has a lengthy criminal history that involves doing bad things to women, women can end up tossing a good guy because none of her loved ones likes him. This advice needs concrete examples with case studies to put guardrails around what is considered appropriate disapproval.
And finally, the most vague culprit in this list is that opens the door for women to leave a relationship for any reason she makes up this one:
“6. You Feel Manipulated or Controlled”
Before I continue, the words “manipulated” and “controlled” are just as vague as their favorite word “toxic.” These are emotional based feelings that can be whatever the woman says it is. But I digress…
“Essentially, manipulation is using various tactics (such as threats, isolating a partner from friends and family, and/or gaslighting) as a means of control over another person.” I agree with this part so far as it is the most concretely defined one. But the next part is sketchy… “This can lead to serious health effects for the person being controlled, including depression, anxiety, and distrust of others.” People in general are complex beings, and anything can trigger depression, anxiety and distrust. I think it is a bit of a stretch to link these health outcomes to someone feeling manipulated and controlled. What will happen is that many women will project their own bouts of depression here and blame the man for all of it, thus setting the stage for her to leave with half his resources and children. Let’s continue…
“Does your partner threaten to leave if you don’t do “X, Y, or Z?” Have you noticed, since the beginning of your relationship, that you have become more and more isolated from friends and family? Does your partner expect you to ask permission to go out or spend money? If yes, these are highly controlling patterns that could be signs of a toxic relationship and damaging to your mental and physical health.”
Oh my goodness, my head is about to explode with this nonsense. Clearly, when modern women read this kinds of stuff, they will automatically project their own vaguely similar scenarios and conclude they are in a “toxic relationship.” And to add more conviction to it, this article is giving them the idea that their mental and physical health is at stake. Well, who wouldn’t want to leave if you could die from whatever you define as toxic?
As I mentioned in the beginning, there are truly valid reasons to leave a truly bad relationship, but no human is perfect. If every imperfection of men is interpreted as toxic, then more men will give up on relationships and go their own way. In any case, I’ll let you read the rest of the 7 at the link below, but clearly, as you see, articles like this are why nearly 80 percent of divorces are filed by women. Just like to a hammer, everything looks like a nail, to a modern woman, everything a man does that she doesn’t like is toxic. Once they deem you are toxic, they will bail out, take your money and your children. The reverse can happen where women are the toxic ones, but articles like this are mainly aimed at men, as we know.
Don’t forget to like share and subscribe so we can keep this new channel growing. Until modern women stop listening to easy reasons to quite relationships and marriages, the apocalypse of good men will continue. Welcome to the Brothapocalypse.
The Biggest Signs of a Toxic Relationship (shape.com)