Solo for the holidays like Christmas and New Years? Here’s how I handled being solo since divorce

Gentlemen and ladies…Welcome to the Brothapocalypse. In this video…

Solo for the holidays like Christmas and New Years Eve? Here’s how I handled being solo since my divorce

This special Christmas and New Years time of year is kinda tough emotionally for a lot of men who are newly divorced, had a long term relationship break up, or have not found the right woman as they build their careers. On top of that is how easily society is dismissive of men in general, and average men in particular. And of course, many people don’t understand how men express emotions in the way gentlemen do. The well done Christmas movie from 2019, A Christmas Winter Song starring R&B singer Ashanti and long time actor Steve Shaw, does a good job addressing how men handle emotions involving their children after a divorce.

Many of us men who are alone do shed tears at times when thinking of children not with us like they used to be. We wonder if they forgot about us once the court decides to make us weekend dads through no fault of our own. Despite what a lot of women think, most of us don’t bottle up our emotions to avoid crying. We just don’t express sad emotions the way women do. I had both my parents in my life during my normal childhood and not one time did my dad, uncles, grandfathers or any male relative or friend tell me I shouldn’t show emotions or cry.

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It’s just the natural male instinct not to want to cry in front of others, and not to cry like a baby, especially over small stuff. I don’t just cry for every little reason, though as I get older, I do get more sentimental about certain life events because wisdom brings me improved appreciation for life and all that God has blessed me with. I hope those women who did not have men around them as they grew up will take heed to what I just said so that they stop misjudging men who don’t show emotions or cry in front of others. I’ve known women who have had to go to a back room after a grandparents funeral to find their fathers crying to themselves, alone. That’s normal for men and is not unhealthy. That’s how we’re built, and ladies, that’s ok.

But getting back to my reason for this video. Gentlemen, it’s ok to feel alone and lonely, but try not to let it spiral. If you need help, seek therapy or a spiritual coach. I personally find solace in the Bible, and in Jesus Christ, the reason for the season. I did hang out Christmas eve with a special lady friend, and got out to visit with my sisters for a few hours on Christmas day – the older sister is in hospice care paralyzed. My two kids are grown, so they do the friend Christmas thing that younger Millenials tend to do during the holidays, so I’ll see them when I see them I guess lol. Christmas night, I hung out at a local upscale night spot where I found several other guys who were alone like me, but not necessarily lonely. I knew a few people there, including bartenders and the guy who organize the Christmas social, and there were one or two women who were brave enough to be alone like us men usually are.

So gentlemen, especially those who are new to being along during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, my heart goes out to you but don’t just sit alone at home, watching sports or playing video games and drinking by yourself. Go out and meet other solo gentlemen and network. You never know what guy is worse off than you, sitting at a bar, wishing someone would say Merry Christmas or Happy New Year to spark a conversation. And yes, there are a few solo women who get out, too, so speak to them. I highly recommend more women break out of their comfort zone as New Year’s Eve comes up, and just hang out. Most guys are not creepy, just like most women are not manipulative. Solo people need each other, especially after a divorce or break up of a long relationship. My mom, who was the queen of the holidays, passed away not long ago, so that compounded the loneliness, but I’m still standing. You can do it too.

The Christmas after my divorce years ago was one of the roughest times in my life. As many divorced men know, especially the ones like me who didn’t cheat or beat or do anything harmful to the family, the court system can treat you as if you did all of those awful things, and it’s not fair. In my case, my ex made sure to extend the divorce process to the fullest, took off with the kids a few times when they were young, and I had I move out to let her have the house till we sold it. This was in late summer early Fall at that time, just as the holidays were coming up. I was a big boy and toughed it out, but if I were not a strong person in Jesus Christ, that would have taken a big mental toll.

I’m all the better for the experience now and I can help others cope. But that first Thanksgiving wasn’t easy as I grew up in a family oriented home that cherished the big holidays. It was heavily about family, and I made sure to provide that same spiritual foundation for my family. So to have that suddenly yanked away in the worst way imaginable, when it seems the weight of the anti male system stole it all away from you like that in a split second, was like driving a car 100 mph into a brick wall. The emptiness was sudden and all encompassing. I had never known what a hint of depression might feel like until that moment. And there I was, alone, in a very nice luxury condo a friend allowed me to rent at a cheap rate until I could get my own place. The comfort of that condo did help quite a bit, and it was located in one of the swankest night life areas of Dallas.

That’s when I learned how important it was to get out and just mingle with people to balance out the lonely moments. Many years later, there are still empty moments here and there (right now I’m alone but not lonely and am about to head out to watch Monday Night Football), but I am wiser and more experienced at this. I want to help as many men cope as possible so that they know there is hope during the solo holidays.

Gentlemen, I’ll cut it short right there. You can do this, guys. Get up and mingle, even flirting with solo women. Break out of your comfort zone if you’re socially awkward. Tip the bartenders well, and they will introduce you to other regulars, men and women. Someone will eventually speak to you. And for the ladies out there, please use my story to understand how devastating your actions can be on men, especially if we really didn’t do anything to warrant such a severe legal action. It harms the kids, too, ya know. And I know there are a few women who also go through what we men go through, but I’m focused on us guys as society pretty much tosses us aside, especially the homeless men who lost everything after a senseless divorce they didn’t ask for.

Don’t forget to like share and subscribe so we can keep this new channel growing. God rest ye merry gentlemen. Welcome to the Brothapocalypse.

Links:

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-feel-about-spending-Christmas-alone-What-are-some-ways-you-make-it-special-for-yourself/answer/Julie-Warsheskie?ch=8&oid=404491534&share=496e6acc&srid=urM2Z3&target_type=answer